“What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do." -Tim Ferris, The 4-Hour WorkweekI fear instability.
I fear poverty, or at more precisely living with the habits and psychology of someone who is insecure about money.
I fear not having enough routine and discipline.
Those fears are real, but they are tied to a bigger fear, the thing I need to do. I need to write for myself.
Writing independently, without the safety net of a full-time job and healthcare and an 8:30-to-5:00 routine, is something I have longed to do. I've literally daydreamed about it. My creativity is there. My work ethic is there. My heart is there. But it's scary.
And now, I'm getting a nudge.
My partner just got a job with the U.S. State Department, working in the Foreign Service. He's about to become a diplomat. We move to Washington, D.C. in a few days. In a few weeks, we'll find out whether we are destined to stay in the capital for a while, or where else in the world we will be sent to live for the following two years. The nature of the job is that we will move every two years to a new country, with occasional posts to Washington D.C., maybe.
For the last four years, I've been so lucky to have a full-time job as a writer. Previously, I've been an editor and part time writer, dividing my time 80/20 if I planned my weeks well enough to even get that much time to write. Writing is what I do and what I love, whether it's product reviews (a large chunk of what I write now), feature articles, or scripts that I'll end up speaking in front of a camera.
Writing full-time has been an absolute pleasure because I get to do the thing I love and still have all the securities that keep fear at bay: a regular work week, insurance, paid time off, co-workers, and an office. It's been good. But it needs to end. And it's time to do the freelance thing.